7 Gems for Motivating Teens
As I reflect on my teenage years, a mere 37 moons ago, I am brought to a simpler time. A time where you could drink from a water hose, ride a lead based bike (with no helmet), and all you had to remember... be home before the streetlights came on! However, this is a new era. An era rooted in fear, racial tension, and a global pandemic.
It makes sense that many teens lack motivation, (remember all we had to worry about were street lights!) The reality is, some face the threat of death on a daily basis, throw in social media influences, it's easy to understand.
Teen suicides continue to soar as desperate youth cry out silently, choosing death as the only way of being heard. So more than ever, we as parents or those in a parental role must begin to establish an intentional relationship, rooted in solid communication, respect, and love.
The window of opportunity closes quickly, let's take advantage of the amazing resources available today. Chris Hudson, founder of Understanding Teenagers, suggests the following steps, when trying to motivate a teenager.
1. WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
We all know this is the age of selfishness, who can blame them?..That toilet is gross! Teens want to see the value in something, like the value of deodorant in high school when a certain someone takes notice. They are more likely to take out trash cause they see it overflowing, rather than do homework. In some ways it makes sense. Gently remind them..."You have to do, what you have to do, to do what you want to do." We as caregivers must also remember this as well.
2. LET THEM HAVE A SAY
"Because I said so." no longer works, if anything it slows the flow of communication quickly. Teenagers have things just as well, believe it or not. They also want to have a say on what and how they spend their time. Instead of retreating to our old school tactics, let's consider letting them have a say.
Discuss what you like for them and how that looks for them.
Set deadlines, however, remain fluid with time frames.
Discuss time frame, come to a reasonable compromise.
Give them responsibility for the whole task, let them plan the menu, shop for their night to cook.
3. LET THEM LEARN FROM FAILURE
Some of the best lessons come from failure. Don't negate the natural way of things...there is a hidden nugget of wisdom after managing a forgotten week of trash.
4. HELP THEM TO REMEMBER
No nagging! Gentle reminders, remember they have, or think they have... a lot going on and will forget! Do they work better with charts? Or are they more routine oriented? If so, create routines that establish patterns.
5. MAKE IT ACHIEVABLE
OK , so no refitting the entire house with copper piping! If you find yourself needing a big project tackled, you can always break it into smaller projects. Remember, this is another perfect opportunity to show them how to start, giving them some pointers, all while providing some well needed bonding time.
6. PROVIDE INCENTIVES
Cash, video games, time alone with you? What makes your child respond? Finding out their "love language", what affirmations do they respond to; gives them a chance to express their individuality. Knowing what type of incentives your teen responds best to will increase their motivation and responsiveness.
7. HAVE FUN
Fun is the key ingredient in getting your teen more socially active. All fun is not cut from the same cloth, explore some of these activities, if they find one of interest, be sure to encourage them. Oftentimes they are afraid or embarrassed, remind them...trying is how you figure out if you like it. Also, what you may have enjoyed growing up may not be what they like, don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Who knows there may be a MINECRAFT genius inside you!